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It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.