Quotes by Dave Barry

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.