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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t.