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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee – or laugh.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Washington is a place where politicians don’t know which way is up and taxes don’t know which way is down.
Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.
To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.