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There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.