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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one’s friends’ and relatives’ children.
Never fight an inanimate object.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.
My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you’re fortunate – and both of us are – you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.
Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.