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Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.