Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.