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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present.
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
Never floss with a stranger.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.