Quotes by George Carlin

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.