Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.