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What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Children make your life important.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.