Quotes by Carl Hiaasen

Here’s my rule: You always want to pay cash for your own books, because if they look at the name on the credit card and then they look at the name on the book jacket, then there’s this look of such profound sympathy for you that you had to resort to this. It really is withering.

I never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says I look like I just came home from a funeral. This is not bragging. This is an illness.

One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb.

Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon.

My books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature aisle, which is somewhat astounding.

Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.

Kids feel so strongly about what’s going on today and what’s happening to the world, and that’s very inspiring. I feel more hopeful than ever before about the future.

I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at – you know, and the soapbox routine. They’re much more uneasy knowing they’re a target of ridicule.

Nobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that ‘death panels’ would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it’s hard to beat Sarah Palin’s ignorant nattering on the subject.